The UNFK Dictionary

What golf says

None of these concepts are made up. Every one of them is real and measurable. The argument is only ever about whether you should be consciously operating them.

Angle of Attack: Whether the clubhead is travelling down or up when it meets the ball. A genuinely useful number, now checked on a phone between shots by men who cannot feel the difference.
Casting: Releasing the club too early. Though note that you cannot throw something too early — the fault only exists if you were trying to hang on to it. Named after fishing, which is itself a throw, and which nobody involved seems to find at all odd.
Checkpoint: A place in the golf swing where a golfer stops to check that the golf swing is going well. It never is.
Connection: Keeping your arms near your body. Traditionally taught with a glove wedged in your armpit — the only known case of golf instruction being simpler than the thing it describes.
Early Extension: Standing up a bit through impact. Also the thing you get told you're doing when the lesson has run out of other ideas.
Face to Path: The relationship that actually decides where your ball goes. Probably the most useful pair of numbers in golf, and still not something a human can consciously operate at the speed required.
Feel vs Real: The discovery that what you feel is not what's happening. Presented as a problem to be corrected, rather than as an accurate description of how every human being has ever moved.
Follow Through: The part of the swing that has already finished happening. Coached extensively anyway, on roughly the same principle as steering a car after it's parked.
Ground Reaction Forces: The floor pushing back. It has been doing this free of charge and without supervision since well before golf existed. Golf has recently discovered it and begun selling courses on it.
Lag: Something golfers spend years trying to create on purpose. Most of them will kick themselves when they find out how easy it was all along.
Muscle Memory: A thing muscles do not have, discussed daily by people who are quite certain they do.
P1 to P10: Ten photographs of a thing that is not a photograph. You are asked to hit all ten, in the correct order, in about a second. Nobody has ever asked this of a pitcher.
Pivot: How your body moves when you swing. Also how it moves when you get off the couch, though nobody has filmed that at 240 frames a second and charged you to review it.
Release: What the club does by itself, roughly one instant after you stop trying to make it happen.
Rotation: Turning. There is a perfectly good word for it and this isn't it. Costs about forty dollars an hour more to say it this way.
Shallowing: This year's word. There was a different one before it and there will be another one after it, and your golf will be unaffected by all three.
Swing Plane: A line golfers draw on videos immediately before forgetting how to hit the ball.
Swing Thought: An instruction you give yourself that arrives, at best, shortly after the swing has finished.
Tempo: Usually mentioned in the last thirty seconds of the lesson, on the way to the car.
The Range: A place where golfers strike the ball beautifully, in careful preparation for not doing that.
Weight Transfer: Moving your weight from one foot to the other. Mastered by every toddler on earth. Lost, apparently, somewhere around your fourth lesson.
Wrist Cock: An angle your wrists arrive at entirely on their own the instant you throw something, and never once while you are thinking about them.

What UNFK says

Our own vocabulary. If you've been around a while, you'll have heard all of these — usually more than once, usually about your own golf.

Don't Be A Dickhead: Doing the same thing over and over while expecting a different result. Same tip, same drill, same range session, same Saturday. Said with affection, and usually to someone who already knows. See also: You Are Not Special
Go For It: Stop thinking and start playing. There's a point where more consideration stops adding anything at all, and it arrives a great deal earlier than most golfers believe.
Half Handy: How I describe my own golf. It means good enough to prove the ideas work, and not good enough to be insufferable about it.
Report Back With Your Learnings: What I ask for instead of you telling me what you think you're doing wrong. Go and try it, notice what actually happened, and tell me. That's the whole method — intention, feedback, repetition. The homework is paying attention. And yes, I know "learnings" isn't really a word.
Simple + Naughty: The whole business in two words. The first one is the promise. The second one is why you remember it.
Swing For The Fences: What I say to someone being careful with a golf club. Steering is not swinging. Nobody in history has learned to throw a ball by throwing it politely.
Unfuck: To remove rather than to add. The only verb this business has ever needed, and the reason everything here is shorter than you expect.
You Are Not Special: The belief that the way human beings learn movement applies to everybody except you, whose case is unusual and requires a list. It does not. Congratulations: you're a person, and you learn like one.

What Australians say

For the ninety per cent of you who aren't one. You don't have to use these. You just have to know what I mean when I do.

Carn: Come on. Shouted at a golf ball that has already made its decision and has no intention of reconsidering.
Chook Raffle: A shambles. A chook is a chicken, and the raffle is exactly as well organised as that sounds. Also: most Saturday competitions.
Have A Crack: Attempt it properly. First cousin to Go For It, with marginally lower expectations and marginally more beer. See also: Go For It
Ordinary: Bad. Australians register disappointment by understating it, so the same phrase covers a thinned wedge and a house fire. "Yeah, that was pretty ordinary." — that was appalling and we both know it.
Ripper: Great. That was a ripper of a shot. Most correctly used about a shot you didn't entirely mean, which is most of the good ones.
She'll Be Right: It will be fine. Said, reliably, moments before it is not fine.
Strewth: An expression of disbelief, worn down over a couple of centuries from "God's truth". Covers everything from genuine astonishment to a playing partner's club selection. Spelt strewth, struth or streuth depending on who's writing it down, and nobody has ever settled it. "Strewth mate, are you really hitting a wedge here?" — I have concerns about your yardage, your ego, or both.
Tinny: Lucky. Not a compliment and not quite an insult — somewhere in the middle, which is where most Australian words live. Also a can of beer. Context does the work. "That shot was tinny." — you got away with one. "Hand us a tinny, would ya mate." — pass me a beer.
Yeah, Nah: No. "Nah, yeah" means yes. There is no rule for this. You simply know, or you don't.

The UNFK Dictionary

What golf says

What UNFK says

What Australians say

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